Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Can we agree to disagree?

Ahhh.. the Birth Wars. They're exhausting aren't they?

I think we can all agree that things cannot continue the way they have been..
the "Birth Wars" are not going to get us anywhere. And in the midst of all the drama, the arguing, the pointing of fingers.. there are mothers to be, trying to prepare for their births, trying to
 make the right decisions. We are not helping those women when we argue.

From what I have gathered in my relatively short time involved in this battle is that one very significant factor in all of this, is perspective. We have very different perspectives.. but it's not just on birth, it's on everything. Our perspectives on life and healing, anger and trauma seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. That doesn't mean that there aren't things we agree on, because there are. And I would say, those are the things that we really should be focusing on.

I want to say, right here and now, that I support making homebirth safer. I support raising the bar for homebirth midwives. Every woman who gives birth at home and at the hospital deserves the very best care. I do not support negligence nor do I excuse careless midwives, simply because they are midwives. I do not think women who have had bad experiences with their homebirths, should be hushed or that valid concerns should be swept under the rug.

Let me explain what I do have a problem with. I cannot abide and do not support, bullying, ridiculing or name calling. It's an embarrassment to us all. We are women and mothers, sisters and wives and we are better than this! Or at least, we should be. Is this is the example you want to set for your daughters? Your sons? Your grandchildren? Do you want to show by example that when you don't agree with someone the best course of action is to make fun of them? What kind of children are we going to raise for the future if that is the example we are setting for them? The very first lesson we all learned as children was- do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Four year olds are capable of doing this yet grown mothers are not? It's shameful.

Yesterday a nurse posted this on my wall. It was disheartening to say the least..

And a couple of the comments that followed:

Many were like the one below. Pointless and childish. I will spare you and only show one..

Sigh. The fact that I even need to defend myself on this is beyond ridiculous. My page is about birth and since we discuss our births, inevitably, details will  come up. Details that include giving birth without medication or giving birth by c-section or giving birth vaginally. The details are usually a big part of the conversation when you discuss birth. 

This is the sort of nonsense I have a problem with. Our pages and words are not being attacked by random teens on the net ( although it feels like it sometimes) these are mothers, just like us!

This is why we are having "Birth Wars" despite the fact we are grown women with children of our own. It's because some people choose to be disrespectful and narrow minded. We should all have the capability to discuss issues with civility and understanding. We should be able to listen to one another. Unfortunately, there isn't anything worthwhile to hear when  nothing of substance being said. I think it's a real shame that the people who claim to want to make improvements in midwifery care and claim to want to protect mamas and babies resort to the above behavior. How can we possibly take them seriously? How can we believe that  they really care when this ^ is all we see? I can't support it and I won't be a part of it.

I only hope that those who choose to partake in this futile and empty behavior will just be ignored by everyone else. I hope that those of you who do care, will continue helping and supporting women. 
If these are the kind of people hoping to protect us, we need to make sure we are doing it ourselves.
We need to unite .. we must make sure birth is as safe as possible for everyone.  Both negligent doctors and negligent midwives need to be on our radar. 

For those of us who are truly interested in improvement, let's agree to disagree. For those of you who have nothing better to do but ridicule.. you can either change or get out of the way.. because we really are not interested. We have better things to do.


  1. Great post ofcourse, but why use the one post with my name in it, "Hey Cherie.... how does Sammy's ass taste?" lol. Now it's immortalized.

  2. Lol Cherie- I know, maybe I should black out both our names! It was such a ridiculous comment.. I had to post it. These are grown ups, people- believe it or not! :-)

  3. It's really disgusting when someone who is in a profession that is supposed to have the well being of others in mind behaves in such an unethical way. Ridiculing someone because of their choice in birth methods? Just doesn't seem like someone who should be in health care.

  4. I don't understand that kind of condesention and ridicule. How does it help anyone?